Overtime again...

It's 11:46pm and I just got home. I'm catching up something fierce at work and while I hate the overtime, I'm feeling more in control of things... is that why tonight my blood sugar is lower than it has been in weeks?

I measured at 71 just now.

I don't think that my man is very happy with my late hours as of late, so it's a trade-off...

I'm just trying something new right now, trying to make some things right, really be on top of things for some peace of mind when it comes to the workplace.

We'll see how it plays out...

When it doesn't feel like a new day...

Still tired from yesterday.

Was out all day from before 9am until getting back about 7pm. General clean-up at work. Nearly 40 volunteers all came out on a rainy day to help us purge and re-organize our buildings and offices. Very thankful!

Then it was going to sanshin practice late... and feeling very sleepy through most of it. When I got home, I just ate and coulda fallen asleep.... I missed my honey and wanted to just connect, but something was off. I just wanted to relax, he was trying to get me to retire for the night. He was probably right, but it kind of annoyed me and so the day did not end quite as I'd hoped. But I was in bed just after 9, and even that was pushing it.

There was some residual tension from the workday. I think that accounts for the exhaustion more than the actual physical work we did. Part of what I wrote about earlier.

Last night I had a very jumbled, tension-filled dream. One that usually lets me know there is a lot going on internally. I ended up waking up feeling sad and scared but relieved that it had been a dream.

So I'm mulling over the day yesterday, with my honey still asleep, and trying to figure out how to start my day inspired instead of troubled...

Monday is one of my long days schedule-wise but I have not been able to actually keep up with it for a few weeks. Right after work, I have yoga scheduled (private group practice) and then I'm supposed to go to Ryukyu dance practice after that. Usually I don't get home until close to midnight. It's really a little bit too hard on me, which is funny because those things are actually for my own health and self-development.

Not getting to dance practice puts a stressor on me, too. I feel I am letting my sensei down as well as myself...

So a lot of struggling and "shoulds" that really stress me out at the moment.

I think I'm going to go stretch and do some meditation before starting the day... Restless now...

When not in Rome, do I still have to do as the Romans do?

So much for NaBoPloMo!

Alas, just have to keep writing whenever possible, methinks... No worries about frequency at this point.

This has been a difficult week. Things are still churning in the brain and in the heart and just the spirit in general. All I can say is thank goodness for having a partner that is articulate, insightful and can listen.... most of the time! Hee, hee.... we've been having some difficult conversations as well, but in the end, our communication is honest, raw and challenging and while I think sometimes it could be easier if he and I were more like, I am in awe of how powerful connecting with another human being can be. Humbled, really.

And that is a bit of the rub these days...

I feel my partner and I are like an example of diplomatic relations between nations that want similar things, but believe there are different means to achieve, yet want to do so peacefully and understand the importance of alliances.... of nations committed to on-going serious and thoughtful communication...

I was high school when I attended a human relations camp dedicated to communication and social issues, I found out quickly a few basic truths in order for effective communication:

1. Understand yourself - where you're coming from
2. Understand how others perceive you
3. Understand/Know how you perceive others
4. Understand others - where they're coming from

"Understanding" is a very general term, though... It encompasses a person's background, their values, their communication style, their sensitivities. And it must be done with compassion, with yourself as well as others.

Compassion can be a hard one, though... something to expand on some other time.

I saw in action these dynamic and exciting results in coalition building and personal relationships when I was about 16 and so began to adopt as my own style the need for direct and honest, yet compassionate communication. I practiced and saw in action while at college and even when I first started working.

So, it's very odd to be in a situation where I've been stumped at how to communicate to resolve problems. I encountered this while living in Okinawa. I wrote many a journal entry at my frustrations, my struggle with being able to connect with local people and being able to also express myself. I had to learn from scratch, a whole new dynamic to communication. I thought I had started to navigate it well...

Upon returning to the US, I realized, indeed I had, for suddenly I couldn't communicate very well with my friends. I had adapted to something different and was stumbling over an area that used to be quite intuitive with me. That (as a form of reverse culture shock) was a major part of why I was very withdrawn and becoming depressed upon returning. I think it took quite a long while to finally feel like a fully "participating" person, American even.

That is why my current situation in which I find I cannot communicate with some folks are proving very difficult. It may be a hybrid or maybe it's the exact things happening in Okinawa all over again. Perhaps I should just give that more thought. It will make my work more stressful for I must maintain what I do well and naturally in order to further develop and expand areas in my work. However, my success or failure at maneuvering this unexpected environment deeply affects the scope of my work.

In Okinawa, well, it was "When in Rome, do what the Romans do."

Well, here I'm in the States..... And these Roman-like people are stumping me!

I'm fully aware this post probably doesn't make much sense. I hope I can fully write about this when it's successfully resolved. (That's right, feeling optimistic at the moment!)

Stretching the blogging muscles

Oh, boy!

I had been thinking since last month about participating in the original National Blog Posting Month (or NaBloPoMo) which is November. I first tried it out in February of this year. And I enjoyed it!!! So what happened after that?

In any case, I am stretching and shaking out these cobwebs to try again, although it's already the 4th of November. Cannot help it. I want to write lately, and this is the perfect excuse.

This is just to announce to cyberspace that I'm back. Will write more later.

Returning to Okinawa (NaBloPoMo #28)

Four interns: Teppei (top 2nd from left), Sei (top 2nd from right), Atsumi (top right), Chiho (front 3rd from left)

Alas, the interns from Okinawa are wenting.... It was a short/long period. Sweet young adults, sincere and soaking in what they can...

I unfortunately did not get to know the two interns from LTSC as well, but the two who were at the Okinawa Association were simply the best. Did they do much work? No. That was a point that was not lost on any of us. However, what I think they did get was the chimugukuru - that Okinawan spirit - of the Uchinanchu community here in Los Angeles. From all the ladies who would take them out, shower them with gifts, take them to their homes... to the younger members of our association that went out of their way to gather for dinner, karaoke, late night donut runs, shopping and even a film shoot... to the families that hosted them and treated them at fancy places.... They certainly met an array of folks. It touched my heart to see members and leaders of our group really step up and show our interns such hospitality.

There's something about watching young 20-something students who are still growing up, still trying to make sense of the world that brings pangs to the heart as well as a general excitement and anticipation at their potential and the thought of the growth they will encounter.

I really wish I could have spent more time with them, but my life has changed much in which my time is occupied differently. I mourn that part of my life sometimes, like times like these, but know that I did what I could and that I hope that I was able to make an impression on some part of their lives.

What I've Learned from Posting Daily for a Month (NaBloPoMo #27)

The time to post daily (National Blog Posting [for a] Month - NaBloPoMo) is coming to an end. I'm glad I did it, even though I chose the shortest month out of the year to give it a go. I didn't manage to actually get it done during the 24 hour period some of these should've been posted, but I managed to not get so behind. I posted twice in a day if I had to, just to catch up.

When I blogged while in Okinawa, my average post was probably several hundred words long. It would take a few hours to write, edit and arrange (music or photo links, etc.), but I would post maybe three times at the most in a week. To write daily, even when I didn't know what to write about what a good exercise in just flexing the writing muscle. The posts were much, much shorter due to time constraints. Some entries I really enjoyed writing, or felt really good about and the response to the posts seem to reflect that. Other entries were painful to hit the "publish" button because they were far, far, far from perfect. However, letting go was easier simply because the commitment to post daily was there. If I ran out of time, I just knew I had to let it go.

Letting go gets easier, just as starting a new action/habit does as well. I learned to "just do it" and that it works well for combating inertia, just as it is about loosening the grip and letting go.

I wish I could write everyday, but I think I will need to slow down after tomorrow. Especially as we are now a mere three weeks out from the show that I haven't yet even blogged about! These days are rapidly filling up and I know it's just going to keep speeding up.

I did get back in touch with feeling comfortable about sharing my life again. Previously, I was living in another country and I was not in a relationship per se at the time, so I could freely write about all of my thoughts and experiences without worrying too much about offending anyone. Now, I feel more private and that is actually a little difficult for me. I generally enjoy being open and sharing, so these protective feelings of privacy are very new... and, of course, I don't think that others in my life (with whom I now live in the same country with) or my significant other would necessarily appreciate writing about everything happening in my life where they are concerned..

I did remember how good it feels to write, to find the words to capture my thoughts and feelings. This was less about producing good writing as it was about "just doing it"... I am looking forward to continuing to do so after nearly five years of absence.

I am grateful for the feedback that some of you have been giving me and I appreciate those that have encouraged the writing and sharing. One final post and then we shall see....!

My prayers tonight (NaBloPoMo #26)

A hard journey with lots of growth and the glimpse of a new unimagined, but wonderful outcome...

Another long day... another full day. A day full of some emotional moments, with much communication, more understanding... I wish I could go into details, but cannot...

It is hard to watch my love struggle with not being able to play a bigger part in his son's life. It is a transition, I feel, but knowing that does not make things easier.

I am just watching as a bystander, waiting for a chance to play a supporting role for all players. Will I be the "wicked" or more like the dismissed "third wheel?"

I can only work on being as loving, as open, as patient, and as understanding as I can.... I know I will fall short at times, but I do want to be a catalyst of some sort to help heal the pain and to strengthen and forge their relationship so that it is satisfying for my love as well as meaningful and treasured by his son.

So that his son might know that his father loves him so very much, although not in his daily life. That he can call on his father at any time and his father would come running or do what is in his power to help him.  That he would come to understand his father's gifts and talents and therefore his life, and come to look up to and respect the man that his father is.

Much easier said than done, but praying for it to be so.

Taco Rice! (NaBloPoMo #25)

Taco Rice!

We had taco rice tonight. No, it's not as bizarre as it seems. This is a dish that was created in Okinawa (as the story goes) by a restaurant owner whose small eatery was located near one of the US military bases (I've read it was in Kin near Camp Hansen). He decided to try mixing the mexican taco ingredients over rice and voila! Taco Rice was born.

Basically, it's ground beef taco filling (just add seasoning), lettuce, cheese, tomatoes and salsa over a bed of rice. In Okinawa, there was one shop called Tacos-Ya that I would go to frequently to order the taco rice. They had the perfect containers that lined the ground beef completely over the rice with the bed of cheese nicely melting atop. The salsa was pretty good, too.

So, I've been trying to get Sterling to try it, but he wasn't convinced that it could be tasty. In fact, most people don't. When my friend Koki from Peru took me to the Tacos-Ya on Kokusai Street in Naha in Okinawa, I was skeptical. But one bite and I was hooked. I remember I would go through the same thing each time I introduced it to someone else. In fact, one visit, I tried to get my sister to go, but she kept putting it off. I finally bought one for her to take on the plane when she was leaving Okinawa. She called me as soon as she landed in Tokyo to rave about the taco rice. I told her so!

So, Sterling being Sterling, he did finally give in, but with his more experienced skills, he added garlic, habaneros and onions to the ground beef (two pounds). We added two packets of taco seasoning, and besides the cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, we also chopped up some avocado and added crushed corn chips (mostly for texture context - thanks to the Kurashige's who showed me that one - not originally in Okinawa).

I am happy to report, Sterling thought it was very  tasty and is trying to convince me that he knew all along it would be good. We got some nice hot salsa to top it all off. I figure in the future, we'll experiment with making our own salsa, too.

Anyway, score one for me!

Nighttime Fried Rice (NaBloPoMo #24)

Nephews slumbering.... notice they kinda hold hands, too? Cute!

Lately, I have been having some very vivid dreams.

Sterling and I have begun to call it "fried rice" - like how fried rice is often made with leftover ingredients, all thrown together, all mixed up. In that way, dreams are often the brain's way of taking the residual "unresolveds" of the day and trying to make sense or possibly trying to solve or understand a situation or event. All the loose ends, the lingering thoughts, the delightful and not-so's all make up some wonderful movie reel that has us hooked.

In the morning, we do the post-mortem:  "Did you have fried rice last night?" and if so, we do a re-cap. As we share our dreams out loud, we see the things that get incorporated in the dream from the previous day's events, some very innocent, or a conversation or a visual that neatly and seamlessly fit. Or so it seems during the dream. Often when trying to explain the dream, it's easy to see somethings are not so logical in the waking world.

Reliving dreams regularly is a way of also getting to know what the brain is processing - some long-term or possibly deep-seated issues - or to understand what various symbols are recurring nocturnally. What might seem innocuous actually stands out in the grey matter.

These days, I wake up remembering at least two dreams and they can be quite bizarre. It can be quite amusing, of course, and really, if I were an artist, maybe I could sketch something that could be a backdrop to a painting or something that could be captured on film. For now, I am enjoying the fried rice and enjoying seeing how my brain puts it all together.

Sometimes I look forward to what my dreams will have in store. I haven't exercised it as much, but I want to work on actually "programming" my brain to work on certain solutions... Directing it, or becoming a master chef, I guess!

The Sanshin (NaBloPoMo #23)

Circa 2000 as I was finishing my studies with Masaya Yamauchi-sensei at the Okinawa Prefectural University of Arts. Same last name, no relation!

I've been playing sanshin for about 12 years now. The sanshin is a three-stringed instrument of Okinawa, the island of my birthplace. I started to learn under George Asato-sensei in Montebello in 1999 before I went to Okinawa on an arts scholarship to study Ryukyu classical dance. At that time, I continued my sanshin studies as well and took classes at the arts university as well as privately with Choichi Terukina-sensei.

With three other Kempi arts scholarship recipients - my sempai (mentors) who also studied with Terukina-sensei. This is at the 2008 New Year's Party for the Okinawa Association of America

I was in Okinawa for six years. During that time, I took better part of a year off, but I managed to return for one last run before I came back to Los Angeles. During that time, I was lucky to continue to play with other students who had learned under Terukina-sensei in Okinawa, too.

To play the sanshin is something that I could write and write and write about.... (But I will have to leave that for another time.... sigh.) The short gist of its that the music is a part of my soul. I play with my grandfather's sanshin. He had already passed away by the time I went to study in Okinawa in 1999. My uncle refurbished one of grandpa's sanshin and gave it to me to practice with. This is the same sanshin that I am playing to this day and the one I am holding in the photo above. To play with my grandfather's sanshin from Okinawa fills me with love, pride and a deep feeling of connection to my roots and enriching my self-identity.

I came back in 2006 and continued to play. There were twists and turns along the way, but fast forward to today, 2011, and our small group of sanshin players are on the verge of putting on our first recital and Terukina-sensei will be with us, too. I will write about the recital in a future blog, but our little group is working hard to get the logistics down as well as mad practicing.

It is a labor of love. Although we may not have felt ready to put on a show, our sensei asked us to consider it and we decided to honor his wish as best we could. We are getting ready, but are hoping our friends and family will be able to join us on March 19 for the show. 

2008 in Los Angeles with Terukina-sensei in the middle and LA and Hawaii folks for a performance at the Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center

Tickets are available, stay tuned.....!

Name that Flora! (NaBloPoMo #22)

One would think I should know better than to be surprised at the kinds of plants and creatures that exist in nature. I am a city girl, comfortable in non-city habitats, but very, very ignorant. Obviously.

The photo above is from the garden of one Gardena resident. She kept bringing in these stalks of these alien-like flora.

So, never mind what the green spherical things with fine spiky things resemble, but when it matures and explodes...?  WTF????? It's like feather-like, strands with seeds nestled inside.

Does anyone know what this plant/flower is called? They look like balloons (or something else, as just a handful of people have commented) that explode into white beards.

Compatibility = ? (NaBloPoMo #21)

Inquiring minds want to know...

There are times when I wonder about what deems people as compatible. Is it similar interests, similar temperaments, similar values and philosophies? Is it similar backgrounds, life experiences? Is it similar personality types, or complementary ones?

I keep thinking that I know, but I find that I'm still re-defining this.

At the core, there are many similarities between Sterling and I. The young child looking to be understood, wanting a best friend, someone to believe in them, and someone to love. We also highly value communicating and striving to improve and develop the self. We are warriors at heart, fighting for different causes and passions, but believing in the fight. We believe in substance and heart over status and appearances. We value the arts and respect the those that strive to gain knowledge. We quickly assess people and situations, though we often act differently on the same information.

We can both be stubborn and headstrong. But when hurt, he usually closes up while I tend to get very emotional. He sees the concept of time differently and often spends and values it differently than I do. I'm much more of a morning person, though I also can be a late owl. I am used to being busy, though I can slow down. He loathes busy-ness. He sees time fluidly and does not like rigid schedules. One activity flows into another and when I get lost in it, I can appreciate it, too, but I tend to like structure of time.

We both value social relationships differently and invest in them differently. He has mastered physical, mental and spiritual balance. I desire to, but struggle. However, I tell him that the social is part of the triangle, too, and I have a better handle on that. I often give up "my" time for another person, while he has learned to guard his time as his own.

We communicate brilliantly at times, but we fight masterfully, too. I can annoy him sometimes as quickly as I can amuse or delight him.

But I suspect that defining compatibility is elusive, particularly in the context of trying to determine which relationships will succeed. Opposites attract, strength in thinking alike? Which is it? Both, neither, one of them?

I think it's knowing what is each other's "line" - the deal-breaker. And, oath of commitment to each other to dig in and work hard to make it work. Of course, when the work to make it work seems to supercede any benefits or pleasure, perhaps it's time to reassess...  But until then, if you really care for one another and are committed, then it's understanding the other's emotional thought process and promising to not cross "that line."

The unlikeliest of people may stay together while others that you swore were perfect for each other do not last... no one really knows except the ones in the relationship, of course.

There are times when I wonder at our compatibility. Sometimes I get irritated at his not always saying, "please" or when he doesn't hold back when he sees what he wants even if there were others present who also want the same thing. He gets annoyed at my heavy purse (and will carry it for me because he thinks it's bad for my physical balance), and how I can sit in front of a computer for long periods. I roll my eyes at the mess he leaves in the kitchen (but he brings me lunch everyday) and he sighs when I nag at him about keeping the downstairs bathroom cleaner.

But I am reminded time and time again when going through a difficult moment that I don't want to be with any other. I often forget the original reason why we might be disagreeing and just know it's time to make amends. Sometimes he tells me he is sorry and that I was right, while other times I must swallow my own pride to ask for his forgiveness. It's understanding that sometimes the "little" things are just that - not to be ignored, but not blowing it out of proportion.

Working at a relationship is negotiating with the partner and one's self over the priorities and needs of one another. It's an active reassessment of the present.

I'm certain that are some people who never argue or get along so well with their partner or spouse that they may not even understand what I am blathering about. However, for the rest of us, I think it's a lifelong commitment to honor the person that we love as well as honor ourselves in that relationship. Mutual and inclusive.

Entry of nothing (NaBloPoMo #20)

Sterling is looking at me wondering how things are going as I sit in front of the computer wondering what to write about. It's 11pm and I want to be in bed by 11:30.... so what shall I write about.

He's laughing at me because as I ponder, I serve my dishes to the customers of My Cafe in Cafe World and then I start folding a golden origami crane for my friend, Lynde.... There's a time limit, so nothing too heavy, but am I just going to just write about not knowing what to write about?

Still don't know what to write about.. blah.

I am looking forward to tomorrow's day off. I hope a quiet day, spent idly, without time constraints, but satisfying! Been waiting for ideal time for a deep massage - hope to get it tomorrow.... maybe a stroll through Wilson Park, just enjoying the company. A day of re-energizing, full of more bonding, sharing and laughter.

The Lord of the Rings (NaBloPoMo #19)

Last night I finished watching the final movie in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Wow... I have not read the novel by Tolkien, so I've no idea how closely the movie stayed true to the book, I'm understanding as the "making of" is playing in the background now, that they did have to leave certain characters untold and had to transfer some lines between the characters. I wonder how novel fans feel about the movie...?

While watching, I was affected and constantly challenged by the themes that ran through the movie. For that, I appreciated the story. Multilayered and complex, intoxicatingly unique yet universal, it was great story-telling.

Certain scenes really did get to me... at the very end, I could not help it, I tried to control the sobs, but some broke through. Sterling held me from behind to comfort. It was amusing, naturally, but there was an aching sense of feeling all too real. A true sign of having fallen in love with the characters and somehow coming to have a stake in the outcome of the story. Certainly became emotionally invested... Definitely a phenomenal narrative.

I am looking forward to reading the book soon.

When I was at UC Irvine, I was a Resident Advisor for a year and a quarter. The first year, I was at Mesa Court, but the second year, I was assigned to the Middle Earth complex. There, all of the buildings and actual residential halls are named for places and objects (buildings, etc.) in the book. I had been assigned to Isengard. If I was familiar with the book, I'm not sure how I would have felt about that! (For those not familiar, Isengard if one of two evil towers in Middle Earth. It did not start out evil, but turns so.) What is strange enough is that through circumstance, I ended up leaving Middle Earth after just one quarter. (Long story!) Leaving Isengard may make sense now...!

What spurred the watching of the three films was that Sterling thought I should see it. The reasons for that were for the themes, of course, which are powerful, but also unexpectedly, he told me that some of the visual scenes and characterizations of less-than-savory entities were actually quite "accurate." He told me that the images from the film are quite close to the spiritual world that most of us cannot see nor ever experience.

Sterling is a spiritual warrior, something I will understand better as our union continues and strengthens.

Souful communication (NaBloPoMo #17)

Tonight I'm a little tired.

Sterling and I had a significant talk tonight. There were some things that happened in the day, people with whom he had spent time with that left residual thoughts and feelings. We touched upon our future. Another heart-to-heart about the things that challenge us, things we fear and things we dare hope for.

Soulful communication... we both are communicators--we like words, we like expression, we like being heard and understood and we like to know and accept the others' words. When we debate or argue, it can be mesmerizing because we can follow the intricate patterns woven with logic and agility. Sometimes, it's the mad sprint and the sudden stop, reverse, forward.

There are amusing moments that the speed in which our banter and fencing of words dizzy even me, but he's right there, not missing a beat and in fact, reinforces my own footing. What delight!There's no other person I'd rather be parrying with!

November 2010 @Enisha's wedding

It's been a long week. One day more yet and the three day weekend arrives. Need to refresh....

I want some good sleep..... Zzzzzz..... good night.... it's just past midnight on the 18th.....

Interns and Pow-wows (NaBloPoMo #16)

The interns had a "filling" first day, I'm sure!

With the chimugukuru still flowing (does it ever stop?), they were whisked away to an all-you-can-eat buffet for lunch by one of the volunteers - for two hours! I believe they were encouraged to eat more than they are used to. In fact, they may go home a little "heavier" than when they arrived. Now two hour lunch - their work day is 6 hours, mind you!

So after orientation in the morning, they went straight to lunch - like at 11:20am!. Then I gave them a tour of our center before my lunch break (mine is much, much later...). They got a private, quickie koto lesson from Katsuko Teruya (imagine: they never touched the Ryukyu koto in Okinawa, but here in Los Angeles, they get their first lesson!). They met a plethora o' other folks, and I didn't push the "work" aspect. I can do that tomorrow, when I suspect there will be a lot less people. Today was about the personalities and volunteers that make our organization tick.

Katsuko Teruya-sensei pictured above is the one that gave them impromptu lesson!.

I did find out that they are not staying as long as we initially thought, though. Strange - I was not looking forward to the interns, but they are here and as I suspected, it's not so bad. The other two interns - wonder what their first day was like!

The rest of my day was rounded out by spending time with a friend that I haven't had much chance to touch base with lately. I knew we would have a good pow-wow session, but it really drove home how much I miss certain connections in my life.

I felt immensely better after our time together - much later than we expected and probably hoped. But I felt a certain clearing and understanding that brings me more peace in my heart.

Pow-wows are good, eh? Talking-story, yuntaku, heart-to-heart talks, sharing, just sharing...

All for tonight!

Uchinanchu Chimugukuru (NaBloPoMo #15)

Tonight was the Welcome-cum-Exchange Party with the college interns who will be in Los Angeles for the next three weeks. There will only be two at my workplace of the OAA, but the other two interns who flew into Los Angeles with them will be at the Little Tokyo Service Center in Little Tokyo.

It was a nice gathering of about 25 people, most people over the age of 60 present, with the youngest in their early 20s...

The thing that struck me was the family feeling of our organization. Older sisters (ne-chans) wanting to make sure they can get to where they need to - worrying about rain or the safety awareness of staying in the Boyle Heights area... Aunties and offering to take them to big fancy lunches during these three weeks.

Coordinating and offering of rides, offering suggestions of events to go to in their free time. And in general, wanting to find time to hook up to just yuntaku (aka talk-story)...

It made me feel good to see our members reaching out to them. I know that this isn't unique to the Okinawan community, but the Okinawan term chimugukuru certainly fits. The Okinawan heart and spirit. Ichariba choodee (Once we meet, we are brothers and sisters.)

Yes, it'll be added "stress" to have them in the office as I try to get the usual things done. But there will be volunteers who will help out and will also be accessible to them so that they really get a sense of the Okinawan community here. That may actually be primary than getting to know the inner workings of OAA, which was what I had initially focused on. In fact, it wasn't until seeing the interactions tonight that I realized, I had really been short-sighted and I was glad to be reminded.

Seeing some of the younger set of our organization was good, too. I feel like the stay-at-home mom who forgets how to interact with adults after being cooped up with children all day long. In my case, I get to spend time with mostly the elders, that hearing the feedback, comments of those that are my peers is refreshing.

So much to do through OAA! So much that can be done....!

Valentine's (NaBloPoMo #14)

(So, I managed to actually miss a day of posting, but I'm going to honor the number of posts for this month... I'll see if I have the energy to double-post later tonight!)

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and it was the first for me and S. And it was memorable. But not because of some romantic affair. Nope. Because there were just things that were on my mind, bothering me, and I ended up snapping at him. I felt so terrible afterwards. I started to cry. I was thinking, gee, I wonder what we look like sitting here on Valentine's Day and the guy looks upset and the girl is sniffling...

I knew we were okay when he finally smiled at me before we left the restaurant....  Those are the moments when I feel most loved. Despite my sometimes emotional baggage that'll just creep in.... he can still forgive even if I've hurt him. He tells me that I may not say a whole lot when I'm upset, but that a perfectly aimed comment will just hit bullseye...

I told him that when I'm hurt, I explode. And when he gets hurt, he retreats, closes up like one of those flowers. I told him I didn't know what to say even after I said sorry and he said he forgave me... that's when he smiled wryly and said, yeah, explode like a hot air expanding too fast.

I'm not proud of myself in those moments. But I'm lucky to have someone who does accept me, warts and all...

After dinner, we went home to my mom's to see my nephews whose folks are out of town for work. The two boys were in their PJs and were watching TV when we dropped off our small Valentine's goodie bag. It was nice visiting with them. I found out one of them has an "older girlfriend" and the other doesn't have a girlfriend "because his butt smells like poo." Yeah, don't ask. I enjoyed talking story with them, though.

Then it was off to dance practice in Whittier and I was quite beat. I nearly fell asleep on the way there and back. All the while, I just wanted to come home and cuddle especially because of the earlier episode. I got home about midnight, completely beat and I barely remember changing before crawling into bed. It was not a typical Valentine's Day, but definitely a memorable one.

The Ventures a la Sanshin (NaBloPoMo #13)

This embedded video above is of Yuki and Akira. Yuki on the right is one of Terukina-sensei's sons. Terukina Choichi-sensei is my sanshin teacher in Okinawa. Terukina-sensei is coming to Los Angeles in March which was the impetus for us to put together a small recital for our group known best as Choichi Kai. The recital which I will write more about soon, is taking place on March 19. We are calling it 3 Strings: Songs of Okinawa..

Akira on the left, now a young man is the quite little squirt that used to come to the dojo when I was living in Okinawa. He was about middle school age when I first met him in 2000 or 2001. Now he's one of the bright young stars of the Terukina dojo.

Apparently you can find this Ventures song, Pipeline, being covered as a 'hayabiki' (quick play) song in my live houses in Okinawa. Here is their rendition of The Ventures.

Other people cleaning = losing my things (NaBloPoMo #11)

Phew!

Today was a little difficult. Feeling a little overwhelmed, a little uncomfortable. Feeling hypersensitive to various people's subtle energies.

Did not get much accomplished by way of my own list of things to do... but again, that is the nature of the job.

It can be extrememely frustrating at times, of course. What is humorous (and slightly aggravating!) is that while I was out of the office yesterday, the volunteer ladies "tidied up." You know, like how your mother would go into your room and "clean"? (Oh, wait, your mother never had to tidy your room for you...? oops).

Well, yesterday's cleaning spree meant that another regular volunteer and I could not find some things for awhile today.

I have to hang my head, for I know that the stacks and piles were becoming unsightly. I know I can do better on that end. But my stuff!

A number of phone calls - important enough to take, but time-consuming - visitors throughout the day. I can feel the stressful feelings of "overwhelm" hovering over my shoulders and around my chest area. I must come in on the weekend to get stuff done. Beginning Monday we have two interns in the office...!

These are the types of feelings that I need to learn to dissipate. I want to learn how to nip these moods and rises in blood pressure so that it does not affect me physically!

Must breathe. I'm not good at meditating. Stretch. Oh, I know. Just head home and cuddle with my honey. Yeah! That calms me pretty good.

Still have dance practice tonight.... today's entry, not cutting into sleep time, nope!