My prayers tonight (NaBloPoMo #26)

A hard journey with lots of growth and the glimpse of a new unimagined, but wonderful outcome...

Another long day... another full day. A day full of some emotional moments, with much communication, more understanding... I wish I could go into details, but cannot...

It is hard to watch my love struggle with not being able to play a bigger part in his son's life. It is a transition, I feel, but knowing that does not make things easier.

I am just watching as a bystander, waiting for a chance to play a supporting role for all players. Will I be the "wicked" or more like the dismissed "third wheel?"

I can only work on being as loving, as open, as patient, and as understanding as I can.... I know I will fall short at times, but I do want to be a catalyst of some sort to help heal the pain and to strengthen and forge their relationship so that it is satisfying for my love as well as meaningful and treasured by his son.

So that his son might know that his father loves him so very much, although not in his daily life. That he can call on his father at any time and his father would come running or do what is in his power to help him.  That he would come to understand his father's gifts and talents and therefore his life, and come to look up to and respect the man that his father is.

Much easier said than done, but praying for it to be so.

Saturday in Anaheim (NaBloPoMo #5)

Such a surreal day. I was without my phone - that in itself is a little unsettling, but could not be helped. I was in Orange County, at a Volleyball tournament all day and I was meeting some significant people in my love's life.

Awkwardness that was smoothed over by sweetness, genuine niceness and politeness. Nothing dramatic nor exciting, but so many questions came up in my head.

I got to observe people in an environment that is not their usual and I was processing information about their personalities, their characters, including my darling.

I began to wonder if I was the odd one out. It was like observing pieces of puzzle. It was nice to finally meet them in person, but I did want to interact so much more.

To the special young man who did an exceptional job as setter, I appreciated the wave and smile even though all of this must impact you the most. A gentleman at such a young age, you touched me most. I look forward to chatting with you about your game--I enjoyed watching you very much! Your father is so proud and it's so easy to see why. I look forward to spending time and getting to know you. I know it'll take time, but I do hope it is sooner than later.