Monday, November 21, 2011

When it doesn't feel like a new day...

Still tired from yesterday.

Was out all day from before 9am until getting back about 7pm. General clean-up at work. Nearly 40 volunteers all came out on a rainy day to help us purge and re-organize our buildings and offices. Very thankful!

Then it was going to sanshin practice late... and feeling very sleepy through most of it. When I got home, I just ate and coulda fallen asleep.... I missed my honey and wanted to just connect, but something was off. I just wanted to relax, he was trying to get me to retire for the night. He was probably right, but it kind of annoyed me and so the day did not end quite as I'd hoped. But I was in bed just after 9, and even that was pushing it.

There was some residual tension from the workday. I think that accounts for the exhaustion more than the actual physical work we did. Part of what I wrote about earlier.

Last night I had a very jumbled, tension-filled dream. One that usually lets me know there is a lot going on internally. I ended up waking up feeling sad and scared but relieved that it had been a dream.

So I'm mulling over the day yesterday, with my honey still asleep, and trying to figure out how to start my day inspired instead of troubled...

Monday is one of my long days schedule-wise but I have not been able to actually keep up with it for a few weeks. Right after work, I have yoga scheduled (private group practice) and then I'm supposed to go to Ryukyu dance practice after that. Usually I don't get home until close to midnight. It's really a little bit too hard on me, which is funny because those things are actually for my own health and self-development.

Not getting to dance practice puts a stressor on me, too. I feel I am letting my sensei down as well as myself...

So a lot of struggling and "shoulds" that really stress me out at the moment.

I think I'm going to go stretch and do some meditation before starting the day... Restless now...

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