Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Trying to reset

I'm tired of my life. I don't want to say so outloud because I know this is the life that I've created. But pretending it's okay or what I intend it to be demands a snort. It is not.

And "knowing better" than to vent about it, is not serving me at the moment.

The negative voices in my head have been getting louder and louder and are practically screaming. What's up with waking up berating myself for the previous night.... or feeling dragged down by thoughts of stressful tasks that await me when I literally wake-up.... I don't want to live like this.

And I don't feel like writing, right now. In fact, I haven't felt like writing in ages. Just need to flex the muscle.

Physically, socially, career-wise, relationship-wise, living situation-wise.... so much to be desired. What kind of manual could I write about ending up where I am now?

I feel like I might have a made a wrong turn somewhere.

I know it's not too late. It's never too late.

Just need to get my bearings. And it's too overwhelming to try and think about trying to change all of it, so it's one thing at a time, I guess....

My purpose. How do I contribute to this planet?

How do I bring unconditional love back into my life?

How do I bring joy in my daily life?

I wake up feeling a little disgusted, annoyed, critical, despairing..... I'm tired of that.


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