Thursday, May 6, 2010

Opening the Heart...

This is where I write that no woman should ever settle for less than the whole package - the real deal. Real Love, Passion, Soulful Connection.

Other women have told me the same, but being virtually alone for 39 years and just a string of exploring, sometimes unhealthy liaisons, I was certain that if I didn't want to be alone, I had to take matters into my own hand. And perhaps even "settle."

My saving grace was probably my eternal hope that things do work out. My saving grace was believing in the law of attraction.

We are still coming together. It's a path wrought full of some difficult areas, but each day I see the inevitability and the growth and the adventures of a full and unorthodox life unfolding. I don't think it will be a difficult life, just difficult areas that require healing, of which we've been doing since the day we met.

My heart is not open. It's still a little hard. I love him and yet he knows I am still aching because I can't give him my full heart yet. He is healing my body, my spirit, and my heart. He is rapidly becoming all I ever need.

That is a difficult thing to swallow as I have always thought my friends and family were all I needed. How does one reconcile that this one person is rapidly becoming everything to me?

This entry doesn't feel quite right, but I will post because I need to put it out there. I'm stopped up and part of it is not writing.

Given that I want to spend all of my free time with him, I am unbalanced. And given the very hard work we do - healing, therapy, loving, empowering - it's exhausting. Each time we part, we have traveled millions of miles. I want to reflect on the growth, but I'm exhausted. We sob, we laugh, we play, we train, we love, we confront, we probe, we comfort, we love, we Love, we LOVE...

I will be writing more....

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