First post since forever

2021 is rapidly approaching its end... There have been triumphs and definite painful 'fails/resets'... 

I have made exercise, and making the physical body stronger, a priority since about March. For 211 consecutive days in this year, I have gone to the gym to move the body (cardio and resistance)... it's the one thing I am managing to maintain control over.

Yet on the emotional front, I feel more vulnerable and uncertain than I have in probably a decade and it's terrifying, but I also recognize that it's the prelude to possibility of change...

12.13.2017 - the year end begun

Here again?!

Another year
losing grasp
never had
possession
of control
a handle

Transitioning

It's been a week since the workshop in Las Vegas that I attended. I mean to share about what that experience was like... only to find that I am slipping into old patterns ever so quickly.

The things that occupied my time and my life "plate" - well, I put them on hold for the weekend and it was lovely because I was able to focus solely on those questions and examining what it is I really want. And now, since I am choosing to not just chuck and "fuck it" - well, I want to complete what's on the plate without taking on anything new.

And I'm thinking that mentally, that may not be enough. I've already seen in the one week post-workshop after deciding certain things about my future, the signs that show that I'm embarking on the correct path.

I think it's hard to continue to live incongruently once you've realized that things are incongruent, no matter that one tells themselves that it's just for a bit longer.

That is where I'm at. Things to complete, before I want to move onto the next thing. But currently wondering if I can actually begin to "move on to the next things" before I actually complete the incomplete. I am concerned about the time that is being taken away from completing the things. I feel as if I could put more time into completing, the faster I can get to a place where I can concentrate 100% on what I "really" want to do.

But maybe I do need to do this transition simultaneously. This from the ADD girl who is afraid that she will lose focus. That is my resistance - that because of my mental chaos, that I will not be able to properly move onto the next thing as well as complete what I want to complete to close this current life.

But maybe God and the Universe will actually help me to stay on track because then, I will be aligning myself more and more to congruency.... perhaps...

Coming soon....

Finally did something this past weekend which was a long time coming....

Planning to share and reflect and move forward, all while making mistakes, growing, and learning how to create the life that I'm meant to live!

What a difference a week makes!

Unbelievable! A week since the last post!

It feels like a lifetime has passed since last Sunday. Here it is early Monday morning, probably up from the residual adrenaline from the big weekend, though I'm still pretty tired.

That Sunday, we had the beginning of a multi-project week - visitors from Okinawa until Thursday, more Bazaar planning, scholarship process - yes, all for work.

Had our visitors come on another week, I feel we really could have done more, but I'm relatively pleased how much we were able to discuss and hear from them. I am excited for the possibility of what this Wakamono Youth Taikai can do to impact our young Uchinanchu from the mainland US. We had meetings and site visits, all of which were productive. Looking forward to putting a summary together of their visit for our members.

Caught a cold mid-way... I wonder if last Sunday was an indication that my body was wavering.. on Tuesday, I knew I was going to be sick. Sustained myself on fresh grated ginger tea laced with Blue Agave, staying pretty bundled and making sure I got 8+ hours of sleep each night. (The sleep was amazingly hard and simple to achieve...)

As a result, ended up slacking majorly at the end of the week on a lot of semi-vital tasks regarding the bazaar. It was a crazy weekend, and through it I feel I'm finally at the end of the cold, our sales may have been much, much better than initially imagined, and a lot of little unforgettable moments. (Some unexpected drama along the way...)

It's the morning after the bazaar and most folks are taking the day off. Alas, I do not get the day off, so I will trudge into the very, very chaotic office and do my best to restore. Today will be light on the "overall" picture and try to do the "menial".

I just have to say how much I appreciate the volunteers (apart from the fabulous planning committee). Particularly Sayuri, Sachi and Amy from my dance dojo. Without the three of them, I would have been much more frantic!

This Monday morning, I look forward to going to work to have a quiet cleaning day. That is my intention. (And to heal, say proper thank yous, and hopefully "celebrate" soon!)

Starting with physical blah

Third day of continued entries!

I went to sleep yesterday feeling really blah. I had tension in my neck and shoulders and I think dinner was a little too short on the veggies. I indulged in green tea ice cream and I wanted to blame it on that! It was like feeling like in a food coma, fuzzy, body uncomfortable. I was right cranky.

Sterling did give me a good neck massage but he couldn't adjust it because of residual tightness. That's another sign my body gives me with this stress stuff. This morning awoke from a dream that was tense. Body still feeling alittle out of whack...

So our performance went without a hitch - backup plans for costume worked, email to the young women from Okinawa was fine, just a few things I couldn't catch on the to-do list. It was good to watch the other performers that were there.

Today, I need to coordinate an airport pick-up, final food ordering for the Welcome Party, possible El Segundo pick-up prior to the party.... probably will miss Taiko practice, some sanshin practice. Tomorrow I'll miss dance practice for a bazaar meeting...

This is all work-related today. I need to squeeze in the sanshin for it is to prepare for next week's performance at our bazaar.... the one that will then really occupy my mind for this next week...

But I get ahead of myself. I need to take one day at a time. Am going to the gym for a short workout to get the blood pumping.

Reducing Stress (may) = Letting People Down

To do today:

Send email to Okinawa guests
Prepare and pack costume for performance in Rosemead
Prep songbook and make copies
Send email directions to a member
Perform at Moon Festival in Rosemead
Plan supplemental foods for Welcome Party on Sun night
Create final week to-do list for Bazaar
Post flyers in local businesses
Call AAA re: dad's driving test
Update OPG scholarship process status - inquire with other kenjinkai, etc.

Yah, it's mostly work.
I crashed early last night, I had had an exhausting day, trying to hold it together though there was a lot going on internally.

I wasn't feeling overwhelmed mentally, so that was a good sign, but my body knew better. My body always tells me, "that's great that you're not mentally freaking, but we know you're under stress..." My IBS has been non-stop. And the fact that I meant to just take a nap and slept through until this morning from about 8:30 last night, post dinner.

I had two doctor's appointments this past week - funny how that happens. When things are going well and I'm on track with my blood sugar and my blood pressure and my eating and exercise habits, I'm not reporting to anyone, but when things start going haywire, right in the middle of the chaos is when I have my check-ins and check-ups. It is a reminder that health as a priority means maintaining that priority through all tides of life.

Because of the doctor's appointments, I am acutely aware that the stress is affecting me physically and I feel a little trapped about how to reduce the stress - or at least, reduce the effects of stress. Countering with breathing and taking breaks, instead of working non-stop without eating or proper rest. It's a catch-22, though, because I feel better mentally uninterrupted because I can plow through the major energy-consuming tasks. But I've worked like that since my 20s. And now I'd like to try the "put self first" to the test to see if that doesn't still produce good results, but better physical health.

Just this one life, and really, will "At least I finished all my work" comfort me when I'm at the end of my life? I highly doubt it. So, my mind imagines, creates scenarios of extrication from the stress. Part of me just wants to quit everything. Just stop EVERYTHING. And that includes the things that I thought brought me sustenance - the arts.

It's not a good sign when those soulful things are also contributing to the stress. My life temporarily without sanshin, dance, koto. Without the Katayabira oral history project, without board meetings and event planning meetings.

What would I do instead?

I would finish going through organizing my things from when I started moving into my current apartment. I would seriously sit and plan for a wedding. I would think about creating creative streams of passive income. I would spend time helping my nephews with homework and learning. I would take more walks, maybe even go on hikes. I would WRITE. I would read more. I would listen to music more. I would write letters to friends that I dearly miss. I would attempt to cook (ha!). I would mend all the clothes and things around the house that need mending. I would do more YOGA. I would definitely meditate more. I would work on developing intuition. I would work on building Qi. I would put time into thinking of "perfect" and not-so-expensive Christmas gifts for family and friends. I would ride a bicycle. Start thinking/training for the triathlon (bucket list). I would help Sterling with developing his practices.

So why can't I do these things now? The truth is, there is a lot of mental clutter from my current commitments. And also, a lot of time is taken from my current work and commitments. If I tried to squeeze these things that I would do "instead, " I would need to get rid of sleep or magically find ways to extend the 24 hour day...

So, I can feel where I'm heading (i.e., the path I need to take), but not mentally ready to let things go. Because to let some of these things go, I understand that I will be letting people down and also letting some of my own hopes for the future of some of those commitments go. I think the letting people down is actually a big one. I just kind of honed in on that.

Ah... Really need to digest that.

And I need to start on the tasks for the day, too....

Grateful for the time to just reflect. Grateful for words. Grateful for Sterling, still sleeping. Grateful for my body that does its best to keep up with me. Grateful for my mental acuity. Grateful for this life and opportunity. Grateful to God and the Universe.

Overwhelm

It's a Friday morning. And things are only going to ramp up for the next week and a half. A bit tiring to just think about, actually. This feeling of overwhelm is not unfamiliar, but thankfully, not a constant. But even this temporary overwhelm is damaging - I can feel it's physical and mental toll. And I don't want the strength of the negativity to grow...

I need to write. I need to reflect. I need to sit. And I need to "make space."

I know this, even as I multi-task, work late hours, try to get sleep, and worry about a multitude of things--family, health, work, future, commitments, money, work, work, work. (argh)

If I could get to those "needs," I will find centeredness, calm and probably renewed energy.

This morning, I was "led" through small connections to write a little...

The concept of Wounded Healer led to learning of the Medicine Buddha - Yakushi Nyorai in Japanese - which led to thinking of Buddhism in general, which led to an acknowledgement of a tool I have been considering for years to start a site, and then on to meditation, then spirituality...

The thought of writing regularly on things that inspire me, made me happy and of course, also terrified me. Clear signs - but when will I get to that?

So, I am carving with a spoon, this moment, as an attempt to "make space."

No promises, no judgment. Just this present moment.

Breathing, being still, listening to the trash truck nearby... Today, I will consciously breathe more.

Overtime again...

It's 11:46pm and I just got home. I'm catching up something fierce at work and while I hate the overtime, I'm feeling more in control of things... is that why tonight my blood sugar is lower than it has been in weeks?

I measured at 71 just now.

I don't think that my man is very happy with my late hours as of late, so it's a trade-off...

I'm just trying something new right now, trying to make some things right, really be on top of things for some peace of mind when it comes to the workplace.

We'll see how it plays out...

When it doesn't feel like a new day...

Still tired from yesterday.

Was out all day from before 9am until getting back about 7pm. General clean-up at work. Nearly 40 volunteers all came out on a rainy day to help us purge and re-organize our buildings and offices. Very thankful!

Then it was going to sanshin practice late... and feeling very sleepy through most of it. When I got home, I just ate and coulda fallen asleep.... I missed my honey and wanted to just connect, but something was off. I just wanted to relax, he was trying to get me to retire for the night. He was probably right, but it kind of annoyed me and so the day did not end quite as I'd hoped. But I was in bed just after 9, and even that was pushing it.

There was some residual tension from the workday. I think that accounts for the exhaustion more than the actual physical work we did. Part of what I wrote about earlier.

Last night I had a very jumbled, tension-filled dream. One that usually lets me know there is a lot going on internally. I ended up waking up feeling sad and scared but relieved that it had been a dream.

So I'm mulling over the day yesterday, with my honey still asleep, and trying to figure out how to start my day inspired instead of troubled...

Monday is one of my long days schedule-wise but I have not been able to actually keep up with it for a few weeks. Right after work, I have yoga scheduled (private group practice) and then I'm supposed to go to Ryukyu dance practice after that. Usually I don't get home until close to midnight. It's really a little bit too hard on me, which is funny because those things are actually for my own health and self-development.

Not getting to dance practice puts a stressor on me, too. I feel I am letting my sensei down as well as myself...

So a lot of struggling and "shoulds" that really stress me out at the moment.

I think I'm going to go stretch and do some meditation before starting the day... Restless now...

When not in Rome, do I still have to do as the Romans do?

So much for NaBoPloMo!

Alas, just have to keep writing whenever possible, methinks... No worries about frequency at this point.

This has been a difficult week. Things are still churning in the brain and in the heart and just the spirit in general. All I can say is thank goodness for having a partner that is articulate, insightful and can listen.... most of the time! Hee, hee.... we've been having some difficult conversations as well, but in the end, our communication is honest, raw and challenging and while I think sometimes it could be easier if he and I were more like, I am in awe of how powerful connecting with another human being can be. Humbled, really.

And that is a bit of the rub these days...

I feel my partner and I are like an example of diplomatic relations between nations that want similar things, but believe there are different means to achieve, yet want to do so peacefully and understand the importance of alliances.... of nations committed to on-going serious and thoughtful communication...

I was high school when I attended a human relations camp dedicated to communication and social issues, I found out quickly a few basic truths in order for effective communication:

1. Understand yourself - where you're coming from
2. Understand how others perceive you
3. Understand/Know how you perceive others
4. Understand others - where they're coming from

"Understanding" is a very general term, though... It encompasses a person's background, their values, their communication style, their sensitivities. And it must be done with compassion, with yourself as well as others.

Compassion can be a hard one, though... something to expand on some other time.

I saw in action these dynamic and exciting results in coalition building and personal relationships when I was about 16 and so began to adopt as my own style the need for direct and honest, yet compassionate communication. I practiced and saw in action while at college and even when I first started working.

So, it's very odd to be in a situation where I've been stumped at how to communicate to resolve problems. I encountered this while living in Okinawa. I wrote many a journal entry at my frustrations, my struggle with being able to connect with local people and being able to also express myself. I had to learn from scratch, a whole new dynamic to communication. I thought I had started to navigate it well...

Upon returning to the US, I realized, indeed I had, for suddenly I couldn't communicate very well with my friends. I had adapted to something different and was stumbling over an area that used to be quite intuitive with me. That (as a form of reverse culture shock) was a major part of why I was very withdrawn and becoming depressed upon returning. I think it took quite a long while to finally feel like a fully "participating" person, American even.

That is why my current situation in which I find I cannot communicate with some folks are proving very difficult. It may be a hybrid or maybe it's the exact things happening in Okinawa all over again. Perhaps I should just give that more thought. It will make my work more stressful for I must maintain what I do well and naturally in order to further develop and expand areas in my work. However, my success or failure at maneuvering this unexpected environment deeply affects the scope of my work.

In Okinawa, well, it was "When in Rome, do what the Romans do."

Well, here I'm in the States..... And these Roman-like people are stumping me!

I'm fully aware this post probably doesn't make much sense. I hope I can fully write about this when it's successfully resolved. (That's right, feeling optimistic at the moment!)

Stretching the blogging muscles

Oh, boy!

I had been thinking since last month about participating in the original National Blog Posting Month (or NaBloPoMo) which is November. I first tried it out in February of this year. And I enjoyed it!!! So what happened after that?

In any case, I am stretching and shaking out these cobwebs to try again, although it's already the 4th of November. Cannot help it. I want to write lately, and this is the perfect excuse.

This is just to announce to cyberspace that I'm back. Will write more later.

Trying to prevent my own nuclear meltdown!

I don't mean to make light of the serious nuclear plant situation in Japan.

I am sitting in the dark, trying to calm down. Trying to find resolutions to the causes of the stress I'm feeling. I refuse to just feel stress and succumb to it. Although it all feels like it's crashing down on me, I will try to focus on one thing, let the fear coast and then try to detach and find the source or a solution. If that won't happen immediately, focus on something else...

Yesterday afternoon I was in such an idyllic state because I'd spent a lunch in the company of some very interesting people. Also, being able to have time with Terukina-sensei, my sanshin sensei from Okinawa, and his wife is just simply heavenly good. I'm flooded with memories of all of my wonderful time spent in Okinawa...

And the practice was not quite what I expected, but still such a nostalgic blast back. The stories and explanations, his style of teaching. Such quality and truly humbled. Even if he wasn't a National Living Treasure, I know I'm in the presence of a true artist.

The end of the night as I was trying to lock up, the feelings of dread and panic started to set in. Then I had a stupid accident where I completely soaked my lyric book, tickets, CHECKs and cash!!! I've been drying them out all night. I need to make deposits so that we can pay some bills this weekend!

This is only a fifth of what I did!

And then a few other things happened that just rendered me completely mentally drained and exhausted and starting to feel really like I was alone, which is ridiculous since I'm not in this alone!!! I waited for Sterling to come home, and sure enough, as soon as I saw him, I started to tear and just needed a long hug. It was midnight, we were standing outdoors, he was trying to unload his car from his two long appointments this evening.

I managed to set up the heating dish to start drying out the money and put my list of things to do away and just lay with him and let it flow. We talk about not stopping feelings up because they can manifest in physical problems.

After I had finished trying to make sense of my feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion, he looked grim. I had to ask, what was he thinking. He just quietly said, this stress is not good. He went on to remind me that there are other teachers who are also wanting to count on me for productions in the future, that because I'm the type that won't say no, years and years of this kind of on-going stress is not good. He paused and said, now if you were also developing yourself in these areas, that's another thing, but it looks like you're just busy with administrative tasks.

I had to think about that. No wait. Scratch that. I will think about that, LATER. I do recognize that I am in a position to get things done, but it's not leadership or recognition that I seek, but really, just what he said. To learn the arts, to learn more about myself. I can hear the argument that performance in art is part of the process. Perhaps, but I think if I could for a while, I would want to be an artist, deepening my understanding and skill for the art's sake, and not because I could share it with an audience.

Also, I realize that there are streaks of envy in me that I have to acknowledge, but not let consume. My inadequacies and feelings of regret (why didn't I study harder, why didn't I come back with my Yuushuusho certificate, why couldn't I feel more confident in Sensei's belief in my ability while I was in Okinawa?)--these also started to plague me last night.

This morning, I must focus on specific tasks that must need to be done, but I do need to incorporate some of the corrections and suggestions that Sensei made to Lynde's and my "solo" for the show on Saturday. If only that's all I had to worry about!

I know there are people who are willing to help if I ask them. I just have to find the tasks that I can truly give up--or just make sure that I'm not the only one with all of the information!

Breathing and keeping my biggest fan close by for hugs and words of encouragement, and relying on friends are what will get me through today. There is a Rehearsal/Welcome Party tonight that still has some loose ends. Wish me luck, and send me calm vibes. This is part of the journey, this is part of the journey, part of the journey...

Terukina-sensei has what's called a "Yaruki Shinkun" - tenets of the heart that help in developing one's self in uta-sanshin, as well as in life.

It goes something like this:
(thanks to my friend, Jodie Ching, who provided me with the translation)

YARUKI SHINKUN

(Loose translation: lessons of the heart)

YAREBA DEKIRU.
If you try, you can do it.

WATASHI WA YARU.
I will do it.

YUUKI O MOTTE.
Have courage.

JISHIN O MOTTE.
Have confidence.

SHUUI NI SAYU SARERU NA.
Do not let things distract you.

YUME O TASSEI SURU MADE WA KESHITE YAMENAI.
Do not stop until the dream is attained.

IMA SUGU YARU.
I will do it now. 

It may not completely fit where I am today - I need the social support more than the internal drive, I think, but I'm trying at the beginning. If I try, I can do it. I will do it. I suspect Courage and Confidence will need to kick in about tomorrow, hee, hee!

Part of the Solution

It's quite late... but needed to post something...

Hindsight is 20/20, that's for sure. Much things can be gleaned from going over the past and re-tracing one's steps. Through examining how things contributed to misunderstandings or compounded a sensitive situation, perhaps it's very easy to see how a different action or reaction might have led to a different outcome.

Everyone has differing perceptions. And perception is reality. So how many realities can there be? Multiple. It's a wonder we can have successful relationships at all, given it's possible that we are all interpreting things differently!

Alas.

Since we cannot control or demand another to see something our way, simply because we believe it to be true, the next best thing is to listen intently and with the desire to connect with the other person. By understanding another person's perceptions, so might we learn to have more compassion, empathy, and even patience.

When speaking to a dear friend about regrets I had tonight, and areas that I felt I needed to take responsibility for, she gently offered back, think of it now as being part of the solution.

I am hopeful.

Returning to Okinawa (NaBloPoMo #28)

Four interns: Teppei (top 2nd from left), Sei (top 2nd from right), Atsumi (top right), Chiho (front 3rd from left)

Alas, the interns from Okinawa are wenting.... It was a short/long period. Sweet young adults, sincere and soaking in what they can...

I unfortunately did not get to know the two interns from LTSC as well, but the two who were at the Okinawa Association were simply the best. Did they do much work? No. That was a point that was not lost on any of us. However, what I think they did get was the chimugukuru - that Okinawan spirit - of the Uchinanchu community here in Los Angeles. From all the ladies who would take them out, shower them with gifts, take them to their homes... to the younger members of our association that went out of their way to gather for dinner, karaoke, late night donut runs, shopping and even a film shoot... to the families that hosted them and treated them at fancy places.... They certainly met an array of folks. It touched my heart to see members and leaders of our group really step up and show our interns such hospitality.

There's something about watching young 20-something students who are still growing up, still trying to make sense of the world that brings pangs to the heart as well as a general excitement and anticipation at their potential and the thought of the growth they will encounter.

I really wish I could have spent more time with them, but my life has changed much in which my time is occupied differently. I mourn that part of my life sometimes, like times like these, but know that I did what I could and that I hope that I was able to make an impression on some part of their lives.

What I've Learned from Posting Daily for a Month (NaBloPoMo #27)

The time to post daily (National Blog Posting [for a] Month - NaBloPoMo) is coming to an end. I'm glad I did it, even though I chose the shortest month out of the year to give it a go. I didn't manage to actually get it done during the 24 hour period some of these should've been posted, but I managed to not get so behind. I posted twice in a day if I had to, just to catch up.

When I blogged while in Okinawa, my average post was probably several hundred words long. It would take a few hours to write, edit and arrange (music or photo links, etc.), but I would post maybe three times at the most in a week. To write daily, even when I didn't know what to write about what a good exercise in just flexing the writing muscle. The posts were much, much shorter due to time constraints. Some entries I really enjoyed writing, or felt really good about and the response to the posts seem to reflect that. Other entries were painful to hit the "publish" button because they were far, far, far from perfect. However, letting go was easier simply because the commitment to post daily was there. If I ran out of time, I just knew I had to let it go.

Letting go gets easier, just as starting a new action/habit does as well. I learned to "just do it" and that it works well for combating inertia, just as it is about loosening the grip and letting go.

I wish I could write everyday, but I think I will need to slow down after tomorrow. Especially as we are now a mere three weeks out from the show that I haven't yet even blogged about! These days are rapidly filling up and I know it's just going to keep speeding up.

I did get back in touch with feeling comfortable about sharing my life again. Previously, I was living in another country and I was not in a relationship per se at the time, so I could freely write about all of my thoughts and experiences without worrying too much about offending anyone. Now, I feel more private and that is actually a little difficult for me. I generally enjoy being open and sharing, so these protective feelings of privacy are very new... and, of course, I don't think that others in my life (with whom I now live in the same country with) or my significant other would necessarily appreciate writing about everything happening in my life where they are concerned..

I did remember how good it feels to write, to find the words to capture my thoughts and feelings. This was less about producing good writing as it was about "just doing it"... I am looking forward to continuing to do so after nearly five years of absence.

I am grateful for the feedback that some of you have been giving me and I appreciate those that have encouraged the writing and sharing. One final post and then we shall see....!

My prayers tonight (NaBloPoMo #26)

A hard journey with lots of growth and the glimpse of a new unimagined, but wonderful outcome...

Another long day... another full day. A day full of some emotional moments, with much communication, more understanding... I wish I could go into details, but cannot...

It is hard to watch my love struggle with not being able to play a bigger part in his son's life. It is a transition, I feel, but knowing that does not make things easier.

I am just watching as a bystander, waiting for a chance to play a supporting role for all players. Will I be the "wicked" or more like the dismissed "third wheel?"

I can only work on being as loving, as open, as patient, and as understanding as I can.... I know I will fall short at times, but I do want to be a catalyst of some sort to help heal the pain and to strengthen and forge their relationship so that it is satisfying for my love as well as meaningful and treasured by his son.

So that his son might know that his father loves him so very much, although not in his daily life. That he can call on his father at any time and his father would come running or do what is in his power to help him.  That he would come to understand his father's gifts and talents and therefore his life, and come to look up to and respect the man that his father is.

Much easier said than done, but praying for it to be so.

Taco Rice! (NaBloPoMo #25)

Taco Rice!

We had taco rice tonight. No, it's not as bizarre as it seems. This is a dish that was created in Okinawa (as the story goes) by a restaurant owner whose small eatery was located near one of the US military bases (I've read it was in Kin near Camp Hansen). He decided to try mixing the mexican taco ingredients over rice and voila! Taco Rice was born.

Basically, it's ground beef taco filling (just add seasoning), lettuce, cheese, tomatoes and salsa over a bed of rice. In Okinawa, there was one shop called Tacos-Ya that I would go to frequently to order the taco rice. They had the perfect containers that lined the ground beef completely over the rice with the bed of cheese nicely melting atop. The salsa was pretty good, too.

So, I've been trying to get Sterling to try it, but he wasn't convinced that it could be tasty. In fact, most people don't. When my friend Koki from Peru took me to the Tacos-Ya on Kokusai Street in Naha in Okinawa, I was skeptical. But one bite and I was hooked. I remember I would go through the same thing each time I introduced it to someone else. In fact, one visit, I tried to get my sister to go, but she kept putting it off. I finally bought one for her to take on the plane when she was leaving Okinawa. She called me as soon as she landed in Tokyo to rave about the taco rice. I told her so!

So, Sterling being Sterling, he did finally give in, but with his more experienced skills, he added garlic, habaneros and onions to the ground beef (two pounds). We added two packets of taco seasoning, and besides the cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, we also chopped up some avocado and added crushed corn chips (mostly for texture context - thanks to the Kurashige's who showed me that one - not originally in Okinawa).

I am happy to report, Sterling thought it was very  tasty and is trying to convince me that he knew all along it would be good. We got some nice hot salsa to top it all off. I figure in the future, we'll experiment with making our own salsa, too.

Anyway, score one for me!

Nighttime Fried Rice (NaBloPoMo #24)

Nephews slumbering.... notice they kinda hold hands, too? Cute!

Lately, I have been having some very vivid dreams.

Sterling and I have begun to call it "fried rice" - like how fried rice is often made with leftover ingredients, all thrown together, all mixed up. In that way, dreams are often the brain's way of taking the residual "unresolveds" of the day and trying to make sense or possibly trying to solve or understand a situation or event. All the loose ends, the lingering thoughts, the delightful and not-so's all make up some wonderful movie reel that has us hooked.

In the morning, we do the post-mortem:  "Did you have fried rice last night?" and if so, we do a re-cap. As we share our dreams out loud, we see the things that get incorporated in the dream from the previous day's events, some very innocent, or a conversation or a visual that neatly and seamlessly fit. Or so it seems during the dream. Often when trying to explain the dream, it's easy to see somethings are not so logical in the waking world.

Reliving dreams regularly is a way of also getting to know what the brain is processing - some long-term or possibly deep-seated issues - or to understand what various symbols are recurring nocturnally. What might seem innocuous actually stands out in the grey matter.

These days, I wake up remembering at least two dreams and they can be quite bizarre. It can be quite amusing, of course, and really, if I were an artist, maybe I could sketch something that could be a backdrop to a painting or something that could be captured on film. For now, I am enjoying the fried rice and enjoying seeing how my brain puts it all together.

Sometimes I look forward to what my dreams will have in store. I haven't exercised it as much, but I want to work on actually "programming" my brain to work on certain solutions... Directing it, or becoming a master chef, I guess!

The Sanshin (NaBloPoMo #23)

Circa 2000 as I was finishing my studies with Masaya Yamauchi-sensei at the Okinawa Prefectural University of Arts. Same last name, no relation!

I've been playing sanshin for about 12 years now. The sanshin is a three-stringed instrument of Okinawa, the island of my birthplace. I started to learn under George Asato-sensei in Montebello in 1999 before I went to Okinawa on an arts scholarship to study Ryukyu classical dance. At that time, I continued my sanshin studies as well and took classes at the arts university as well as privately with Choichi Terukina-sensei.

With three other Kempi arts scholarship recipients - my sempai (mentors) who also studied with Terukina-sensei. This is at the 2008 New Year's Party for the Okinawa Association of America

I was in Okinawa for six years. During that time, I took better part of a year off, but I managed to return for one last run before I came back to Los Angeles. During that time, I was lucky to continue to play with other students who had learned under Terukina-sensei in Okinawa, too.

To play the sanshin is something that I could write and write and write about.... (But I will have to leave that for another time.... sigh.) The short gist of its that the music is a part of my soul. I play with my grandfather's sanshin. He had already passed away by the time I went to study in Okinawa in 1999. My uncle refurbished one of grandpa's sanshin and gave it to me to practice with. This is the same sanshin that I am playing to this day and the one I am holding in the photo above. To play with my grandfather's sanshin from Okinawa fills me with love, pride and a deep feeling of connection to my roots and enriching my self-identity.

I came back in 2006 and continued to play. There were twists and turns along the way, but fast forward to today, 2011, and our small group of sanshin players are on the verge of putting on our first recital and Terukina-sensei will be with us, too. I will write about the recital in a future blog, but our little group is working hard to get the logistics down as well as mad practicing.

It is a labor of love. Although we may not have felt ready to put on a show, our sensei asked us to consider it and we decided to honor his wish as best we could. We are getting ready, but are hoping our friends and family will be able to join us on March 19 for the show. 

2008 in Los Angeles with Terukina-sensei in the middle and LA and Hawaii folks for a performance at the Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center

Tickets are available, stay tuned.....!